“Saying that gender works for women is like saying racism works for people of color.” ~ Rebecca Louise.
It appears that one of my ex-friends who hate-read and then dropped me after my ex went on his rampage has gotten a dose of the trendy new medicine.
Still mad at me, J?
Funny how these relationships accidentally mysteriously somehow fail no matter what the partner’s ideology is and how much she celebrates and supports this totally healthy happy development.
I’m torn between telling you to go to hell, and telling you all is forgiven and let’s have coffee and chat, because your life as a trans widow is about to be hell.
“Queer theorists see the intimate connection between biological sex and oppression, and they react by dismantling the notion of biological sex; feminists see the intimate connection between biological sex and oppression, and they react by dismantling oppression. That’s the fundamental difference between liberals and radicals; one sacrifices truth to avoid confronting power, and one confronts power to avoid sacrificing truth.”
“Conservatives want women to belong to a man; liberals want women to belong to all men.”
The word “sex,” as in whether you are male or female, is not unrelated to the word “sex,” as in getting busy in the bedroom. Sex organs are named for their function–they are used in sex. Sex is the process by which a species reproduces. For humans, sex also may (or may not) be a jolly fun time for its participants, but such entertainment potential does not inform its scientific labeling.
Reproduction in humans is a process that involves exactly two roles and only two roles. Someone provides the gamete called sperm and someone provides the gamete called ova (and in humans, gestates the offspring in a womb). There is not a third gamete.
A given individual can play the male role in reproduction if equipped, the female role if equipped, or neither role if their sex organs are dysfunctional or anomalous. Being “equipped” depends upon normal chromosomal and other development.
Intersex conditions represent a disorder of sex development, not an introduction of new and additional kinds of sex development. They don’t provide a third gamete or perform a third role, much less a “spectrum” of gametes or roles.
The idea that sex is a spectrum comes from the view that a person’s sex is primarily interesting or erotic or an impetus for self-expression, and overlooks its function. It’s an ideological concept, not a scientific one.
Does my version seem unlikely, absurd, perverse?
That’s because we view women’s bodies as public property and men’s as sacrosanct. He doesn’t “belong” in her bottom any more than she “belongs” in his, but society understands who is and isn’t for violating, and changing that script is always shocking.
Not every heterosexual couple is having, or wants to have, “penis in the vagina sex.” If your boyfriend is finding that using his penis during sex is not for him, it’s helpful to know the facts.
I have got him covered. Without all the run-of-the-mill hoopla, here is the lowdown on everything your boyfriend needs to know about receiving anal sex from you, his girlfriend.
Anal sex, though often stigmatized and shamed, is a perfectly natural way for your boyfriend to receive sexual activity. Men have been receiving anal sex since the dawn of humanity. Seriously, it’s been documented back to the Ancient Greeks and then some. So, if he’s a little worried about receiving anal, or is having trouble understanding the appeal, just let him know that it isn’t weird or gross.
Just because you have a vagina does not mean your boyfriend’s anus is off limits. The anus is not as malleable as a vagina, which has the ability to accommodate an infant’s head by design. The anus is very tight, so he’ll have the unique feeling of having something in his rectal area. It is often described as a feeling of fullness which can be delightful for him.
How to ask your boyfriend if he’s ready to receive anal
Asking to perform anal on your boyfriend can be a bit daunting. Have a one-on-one with your boyfriend and let him know that inserting something into his anus is something you want to try. Be honest about your feelings about it. In a healthy relationship, you should be able to discuss anything openly.
Start slow, seriously
Here is the real deal. Your boyfriend can’t just decide he’s going to start receiving anal one day and then go for it, anchors away!
You need to start penetrating him slowly. The anus is a muscle that needs to be worked up to having larger objects inserted. Start by inserting your finger or a small (I do mean v small) butt plug to warm him up. As he feels more aroused and comfortable, work the object inside. Gently move it around to loosen up the area.
Lube is a must
Lube is absolutely required, but condoms aren’t. You can’t get an STI by inserting objects into your boyfriend’s anus.
I just had the good fortune of making an emotional, spiritual and sexual connection that I did not know was in my universe of possibilities, with someone I deeply respect and who challenges me to be a better person.
That has filled me up to the top of my soul, to the extent that it’s distracting me from my current priority. That’s ok. I’ll get back on track.
“Love is what anchors us to the Earth,” says Ann Patchett. I remain baffled that someone would give up something so precious for dogma.
But this is not about that. This is about her. My gratitude to the universe for making her exist.