Female Erasure Available!

I’m honored to be an author for the anthology Female Erasure: What You Need To Know About Gender Politics’ War on Women, the Female Sex and Human Rights, alongside foreword writer Germaine Greer and other authors I admire like Sheila Jeffreys, Cathy Brennan, Julia Long and others. My story is written under the name of Sharon Thrace (not my real name).

Thanks again to the many of you who have written for it, pre-ordered it or donated to its cause!

You can buy the book now here.


Editor Ruth Barrett writes: “This anthology brings together voices of more than forty six contributors celebrating female embodiment while exploring deeper issues of misogyny, violence and sexism in gender identity politics today, demonstrating the intentional silencing and erasure of living female realities.

These perspectives come at a time when gender politics and profits from an emerging medical transgenderism industry for children, teens, and adults inhibits our ability to have meaningful discussions about sex, gender, changing laws that have provided sex-based protections for women and girls, and the re-framing of language that erases females as a distinct biological class.

Through researched articles, essays, first-hand experience, story telling, and verse, these voices are needed to ignite the national conversation about the politics of gender-identity as a backlash to feminist goals of liberation from gender stereotypes, oppression and sexual violence.”

In different voices, this compendium of articles shows how transgenderism is erasing the reality of what it means to be a woman. There are some marvelous essays in Female Erasure that make this book the recent go-to analysis of gender identity as “an inherently misogynist idea.” Read the writings by medical and psychological professionals who tell us about the wrongs their professions have inflicted on transitioners, including children; the accounts of women caught in the vicious cycle of transitioning and the stories of young lesbians pressured to be ABF (Anything But Female); and the narratives of wives of men who would be women, wives who learned the hard way that “women are [not] actually real to these men.” These are only a few of the meaningful essays in this anthology that address the current travesty of gender identity orthodoxy. ~ Janice G. Raymond

When Gay is Not Gay

I grew up in a redneck, rural town. From a very young age I observed an interesting but not unusual pattern of machismo in the teenage boys in my town.

Insults between two males could, and often did, imply that the one doing the insulting had performed penetrative sex upon the one being insulted (or would do so in the future). These insults, much to my confusion as a kid, did not imply that the insulter was gay, but did imply that the insulted was gay. This type of insult was beyond common in my neighborhood.

Although a particular teenage boy was definitely not gay-tolerant and would have been utterly horrified to be thought of as gay, it was completely cool and indeed masculine for him to say, during a match of insults, something along the lines of “that’s not what you said when my dick was in your mouth last night.”

Indeed, I once observed a particularly fast-paced insult match in which one boy kept implying he’d ruined the other’s ass some evening prior, and after many rounds, when he slipped up and said “my ass” instead of “your ass,” the watching crowd gasped in horror and declared him the loser of the match.

How curious it seemed to me at the time that only one party of a homosexual sex act between two people should be considered gay.

At some point later, when I’d grown up, left town, and given up on wondering why macho redneck men do what they do, I came across an interesting point in some article which I’ve now lost track of: that men bond by subjugating women.

This bit of wisdom turned on a light bulb in my head. This was why men took their male coworkers and clients to Hooters. It was an opportunity to belittle women, not an opportunity to risk what I thought should have been the potentially embarrassing experience of becoming aroused in the presence of casual acquaintances.

This was why men had strippers at bachelor parties. This was why men watched porn at parties.

In this light, I understood why gang bangs and “sharing” women among friends, which I’d also heard rumor of in my small town and at college, did not trigger gay panic in male participants.

The message here is clear: the definition of sex is subjugation.

As long as you are putting someone in their place, you are performing sex in the way required and approved for men. It doesn’t matter if other men are present. It doesn’t matter if other men are who is getting put in their place.

As a logical corollary, men who have receptive sex are women.

This is a patriarchal view that does not see the participants in any sex act as equals.

“Straight men who have sex with transwomen aren’t gay,” I heard a MtF say recently, and not for the first time. The point he meant to make was that transwomen are women, which I take issue with.

But for those who define sex as subjugation, this statement turns out to be correct.

As is my ex’s apparent definition of womanhood as “sexually submissive.”

All of which forces me to concede that perhaps the claim “transwomen are women” is, at least for some, less a logical inconsistency (as I characterized it here) and more a hatred of women.



I have been a feminist since before I had a word for it. Plenty of people throughout the years have shamed me and tried to stop me from holding feminist views or saying I was a feminist: religionists, conservatives, rednecks, women who wanted to distance themselves from feminism so they could continue to be thought of as attractive and sexy and fun, regular people of all stripes, and most of all, men. Society’s message is that feminists are angry, ugly, and wrong, and I’ve heard that message loud and clear.

It took me many years to gain the courage to say that I’m a feminist.

As a woman, I have the right and duty to be a feminist, and no one will stop me from it again. Least of all men (however they “identify”). Feminism is not a dirty word.

I always had the right to be a feminist and I always will have the right to be a feminist. That is true even if I had the misfortune of marrying a person who would come out as transgender and develop an ax to grind with feminists and blame his unhappiness on feminism and on me.

If your everyday vernacular has come to include a term that vilifies women/feminists specifically, I suggest revisiting your priorities. See: terf, feminazi, bitch, harpy, nag, battle axe, whore.

Men will not lead the discussion on whether or not it’s ok to be a feminist. Men will not lead the discussion on what feminists are allowed to talk about or think. No, no men, not even men who identify as something else.

I am Doing Fantastic

People often ask me how I’m doing. God bless ’em. I just wanted to check in and let you know that I’m doing fantastic.

I have weathered some darkness that I thought I’d never survive, and I survived, and somehow beautiful things even came of it.

I thought I had lost my support system, but I found out I have plenty of old friends and new friends who love me and won’t leave me and I learned that they are some of the best people I’ve ever known and I never even really understood that before.

I’ve come across some people and some things that have motivated me to an amazing degree. And there are very good things on my horizon.

I’ve opened my heart and mind to dramatic changes in my life, and lost my fear of pursuing them.

A deep and heartfelt thank you to those of you here who have had something to do with that.

The Pursuit of Oppression, Part 2

Recently in a Facebook group based on cute animal pictures, I witnessed the archetypal trans activist meltdown at its finest.

A random dude said something not very cool, and very much off-topic for that matter, and a bunch of other random dudes and dudettes called him out on it. So far, so good.

But one of the people who called him out was a 20-year-old MtF; we’ll call him Iridessa. Not-cool dude took a look at Iridessa’s profile photos, which were a masturbatory fest of pornified half-naked selfies with blowing hair, pouting lips, and violent chest clenching, coupled with his obvious maleness and use of female pronouns, and immediately knew just what was up.

I’ve never seen a young woman post selfies like these, by the way — she’d get eaten alive. I wonder if Iridessa is aware of the privilege he possesses in displaying himself so fearlessly, confident that this will bring him a barrage of compliments instead of the credible rape threats it would bring a woman. I also wonder if he knows that the schtick he’s building his identity upon will fail him when he’s 40. But these are questions for another post.

To get back to the story, not-cool dude then said something to the effect that Iridessa had an anxiety disorder that was alleviated by wearing women’s underwear, and that it was too bad that the “suffocating taboo” of that fact caused Iridessa to need to believe that he is a woman.

It’s too bad not-cool dude was not cool, actually, because what he said struck me as fairly insightful. I mean, let’s think about why the MtF wears women’s panties. It isn’t because of that oft-repeated trope that they need to “present” to the outer world the authentic identity they feel inside, is it? Because no one sees those panties but them. And women’s panties aren’t logistically better at holding dicks and balls in place or anything like that — quite the contrary, they’re too skimpy to do that (as I heard first-hand from my ex).

So while the rest of the world is busy wearing undergarments designed for providing coverage, mitigating the effects of gravity, making sports more comfortable, or catching the discharge expected to emanate from the particular genitals they possess — except maybe on date night, to be fair, when undergarments sometimes get less utilitarian — transgender people are choosing underwear based on mysterious motivations that no one’s allowed to question and, even while vehemently refusing to address the matter in one way or the other, pretending that those motivations don’t involve eroticism.

And don’t get me wrong, I’m all for eroticism. But it doesn’t make a man a woman nor does it place him in dire need of breaching the privacy of natal women in the interest of protecting himself from men, whose patriarchal interests his identity apparently prevents him from going out of his way to cater to.

But that’s all actually beside the point I’m here to make. The interesting part of this story is what happened after the comment.

Iridessa gleefully wallowed in his sense of unbearable oppression for a good dozen comments, and as if to parody himself, actually threw around the words “transmisogyny,” “die in a fire,” and “shitlord.” A further dozen posts, some from himself and others from his throng of adoring supporters, continued the oppression-fest even as a few bystanders sheepishly said, “Can we get back to the animal pictures?”

Eventually even one of Iridessa’s supporters said something to the effect of, “The haters aren’t worth it, let’s just let it drop,” to which Iridessa responded “No!” before continuing a point-by-point monologue on the many ways in which he, a middle-class, sex-obsessed white man barely out of high school, who I’d wager still gets money from his parents, is the most oppressed person to ever walk the earth.

(You who can become annoyed by this and then click away from it or put away the Internet for a while, cast not the first stone at those of us who lived with it.)

And I think about the times I’ve seen someone say something racist in social media, and the times I’ve seen a person of color respond. She usually doesn’t feel safe being aggressive or calling names or bringing up the legacy of slavery — even though she’d have every right to — and she usually isn’t showered with compliments for her response. At worst she’s called angry and at best others cower in embarrassment and wait for it to blow over. And God forbid she make her point repeatedly over the course of a couple dozen posts. Even president Obama was advised not to make his More Perfect Union speech because of the fear he’d get branded an “angry black man” who couldn’t move past the unattractive spectacle of victimhood.

What is this new sort of oppression, that gets its sufferers so many accolades? That finds credibility in calling a straight white man a gay minority woman, and grants him all the oppression that entails, even as the attribution gets him applause instead of ostracizing? What is this oppression that can be turned back at will, but instead is prized, cherished and savored?


like how do u lesbian


This is an exchange between two MtFs objecting to my observation that hormones destroy the sex lives of MtFs and their partners.

This characterization of lesbians is insulting of course, but I think there’s something more interesting to note here — I think it’s sincere.

I didn’t realize this, but apparently many MtFs think that lesbian sex is sex in which the participants don’t like sex and are working around a missing penis. (We’re back to this idea of women as indefinable without men).

I shouldn’t be surprised. These are men. Of course they don’t know “how do u lesbian.”

This view probably comes from one or both of two typical porny MRA/straight dude ideas: A) the belief that women don’t have a sexuality outside of its use to men, or B) a view of sex as something someone performs on you, and who cares who’s performing it?

(As for lesbians having a low libido, I can only LOL — guess who’ve I had the most ten-hour sex marathons with? Hint: not men).

As an aside, these men who apparently have no understanding of homosexuality, due to their egregiously unimaginative straight-dude attitudes, are who is currently leading all discussion in the LGBT community.

But this perception of lesbianism explains a lot about MtFs.

It explains why they often say that no one can really tell trans people from “cis” people, and why they characterize romantic rejection as bigotry.  If sex is about lying back and letting someone go down on you, why can’t you just close your eyes and accept it from whoever offers?

It explains why they think they can redefine sexuality as something that’s about gender rather than sex, and the insistence that sex organs don’t matter or can be redefined as other sex organs. It explains why they think they can call themselves lesbians. Who needs to care about a person’s sex organs as long as they’re performing oral sex on you?

It explains why they choose turning themselves on over turning their partner on and are unable to understand that choice as a barrier to pleasing a partner.

But “how do u lesbian?” My readers know.😉




Narcissistic Personality Disorder

In the past on this blog I’ve used the word “narcissistic” by its common definition (having an undue fascination with oneself; vain).

But at least one study says that gender dysphoria is usually comorbid with personality disorders (81.4%, most commonly narcissistic personality disorder). And other trans widows keep telling me that their spouses were diagnosed with it. So I took a glance at Mayo Clinic’s description of the disorder just to ponder how well it fits. I’ve taken some excerpts and followed them with observations about my ex.

“Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration”

  • Constant selfies and seeking compliments on them
  • Constant (and often untrue) claims of victimization (was harassed, was photographed, was groped, is unsafe)
  • Constant attempts to keep his pet cause in the forefront of all discourse

“and a lack of empathy for others.”
“Having an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others”

  • Inability to notice when he’s making others uncomfortable
  • Inability to empathize with any point of view but his own
  • Cutting off friends’ conversations about their problems to interject his own
  • Stalking me, harassing me, inciting threats against me

“But behind this mask of ultraconfidence lies a fragile self-esteem”

  • Rage and depression over what others think about his appearance or personality
  • Once covered a huge poster board with phrases like “I hate myself” and hid it in room
  • Has admitted to self-esteem issues many times

“that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.”

  • No longer tolerates friends with differing points of views
  • Cuts off communication with them
  • Has actually indicated a preference for being lied to than facing uncomfortable truths

“A narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of life, such as relationships”

  • Divorce
  • Cutting off non-compliant friends
  • Aggressively attempting to divide our mutual friends so that he doesn’t have contact with anyone who empathizes with me

” work”

  • Was unemployed for over a year and didn’t seek work
  • Now works a temp job where he has fun promoting his cause

“…or financial affairs.”

  • Contributed zero dollars to our household for over a year, including during a home down payment and purchase
  • Overdrew bank account and ignored it for months even after realizing it
  • Underemployed

“You may be generally unhappy and disappointed when you’re not given the special favors or admiration you believe you deserve.”

  • He’s miserable. Some people are even giving him those favors and admiration, but it’s clearly never enough.

“Others may not enjoy being around you”
“you may come across as conceited, boastful or pretentious.”
“You may belittle or look down on people you perceive as inferior”

  • These things have been said about him.
  • He’s admitted the last one about himself.

“You may have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, vulnerability and humiliation.”
“perceived criticisms or rejections”

  • Aforementioned poster board.
  • Known shame for not succeeding at masculinity.
  • Known internalized homophobia
  • Has admitted to insecurity and shame to me many times

“To feel better, you may react with rage or contempt and try to belittle the other person to make yourself appear superior.”

  • Campaign of rage and hate against me for existing and writing opinions.

“Or you may feel depressed and moody because you fall short of perfection.”

  • Constantly depressed about not passing, clothes not fitting right, people not reacting right, not liking self in mirror
  • Tantrums about clothing, laser treatments

“Believing that you are superior and can only be understood by or associate with equally special people”

  • Alienating real friends and family
  • Replacing them with hundreds of online “friends” who will not disagree with him because they have the same motivations as him

“Expecting… unquestioning compliance with your expectations”

  • Has stopped interacting with everyone who doesn’t agree with him on every point.
  • Has slashed his friends list in order to assure that no one exercising independent thought can observe or question his opinionated tirades

“alcohol abuse”

  • Has always been an issue.

“Suicidal thoughts or behavior”

  • Yes.

And on the likelihood of treatment:

“When you have narcissistic personality disorder, you may not want to think that anything could be wrong — doing so wouldn’t fit with your self-image of power and perfection.”