By All Means, Be Your True, Authentic Self. Unless That’s a Rapist.

If you’re spending your time arguing that a nurse has the right to get his hands in a woman’s vagina when she doesn’t want them there, you are a rape apologist. If you think she should drop her pants without complaint for any and all who feel qualified to get into them, even if she’s uncomfortable, then you are a rape apologist. If you recast her discomfort as bigotry, that is rapey as fuck.

News flash: A woman’s vagina is not a public service and her refusal to make it available is never “unfair.” Any and all decisions she makes about its availability or lack thereof are valid.

News flash: No one has the right to touch another person without her consent. Not if they’re in a medical setting, not because you don’t like their definition of “gender,” not because the rebuffed person feels offended or denied. News flash: You wouldn’t be the first rape apologist to feel rebuffed, offended or denied.

News flash: People who respect women don’t try to override their discomfort. That’s a rapist’s tactic.

If you’re arguing that a person who experiences an initial attraction to someone and then loses interest when they learn more about the person’s biology is “transphobic” and “cowardly” then you’re a rape apologist. If you’re questioning or shaming them for backing out of sex they don’t want, you’re a rape apologist. If you recast a person’s lost interest as latent desire that they’re afraid to admit to, that’s rapey as fuck.

News flash: You wouldn’t be the first rape apologist to use “they actually wanted it” to justify rape. That’s pretty much the classic rapist M.O.

News flash: You aren’t entitled to sex. Not from someone who seemed attracted to you for a minute. Not because you don’t like their definition of “gender.” Not because you suspect more bravery on their part would get you laid more.

If you’re arguing that my lowered sexual response to you when you refused to meet my sexual needs was an inconvenience that hindered your ability to extract the frequency and type of sex out of me that you felt entitled to, that’s rapey as fuck.

News Flash: I didn’t owe sex to someone who didn’t inspire my desire and who stopped even trying to do so. Even if we were married. Even if he would have liked more enthusiasm for his cosmetic and medical interventions. Even if my waning sexual desire conflicted with his need for validation.

At this point, I’ve come to understand I married a narcissist. But it’s still hard to swallow that I married a rape apologist.

If you recast women’s discomfort with sexual situations as an inconvenience to someone else, anyone else, for any reason, ever, then you are a rape apologist.

Anyone who respects women respects their right to their sexual boundaries. Even when those boundaries seem mysterious. Even when they seem contradictory. Even when they seem unfair. Anyone who sympathizes with the would-be boundary crosser over the woman who says no is a rape apologist.

 

5 thoughts on “By All Means, Be Your True, Authentic Self. Unless That’s a Rapist.

  1. A very insightful write-up. It’s high time women start voicing their opinions. It’s high time sons are thought to respect women rather than showing off their so-called infamous ‘manliness’. Thanks for sharing. 😊

    Like

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