“A valued person lives in a society in which her story has a place. Violence against women is often against our voices… and of what a voice means: the right to self-determination, to participation, to consent or dissent; to live and participate, to interpret and narrate.
This article is a really great breakdown of the Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie situation.
There’s a great satisfaction in the irony that those who are silencing or “correcting” her and her supporters are proving her very point — that males are in control, that males are heard and prioritized, that females with opinions will be always be reprimanded when they step outside the allowable male-determined party line.
The transgender activist movement is led by transwomen — males — not by transmen. Ever notice which group publishes more articles, gets retweeted more, gets interviewed more? This is no coincidence. Transwomen combine two things that patriarchy loves: maleness, and all the authority that comes with that, and “sexiness”: lipstick, heels, and flashed cleavage. Overcoming its tendency for homophobia — which was mostly discarded long ago, really — is a small price to pay to keep the primacy of male authority and sexiness in the public consciousness. Patriarchal business as usual.
Women: Are you still waiting for males to give you permission to have an opinion of your own? Don’t hold your breath.
The woke misogynist is a guy who talks a big game about gender equality and consent, uses vocabulary like “triggering” without rolling his eyes, wears a pussy hat to the Women’s March, prefers to fuck feminists and may freely call himself one, too—then turns around and harasses you, assaults you, or belittles you.
Perhaps his behavior throws you off because, unlike the whimpster or emosogynist of the aughts, he’s confident in himself and his pro-woman bonafides. Or, most likely, because his misogyny is more ambiguous and subtle than that of, say, Bill Cosby or Roger Ailes or Donald Trump.
My ex has always lived with a deep crisis of self-esteem. Before we lived together he once covered an entire poster board with statements about how much he hated himself and hid it under his bed. I found it on accident while looking for something I’d left at his apartment.
His self-esteem crisis only deepened when he came out as transgender (though he often says otherwise to people who didn’t have to experience the hellish fallout of that revelation).
Here’s a fail-proof recipe for a self-esteem crisis:
- I am x
- Yet I am terrible at being x
This is not only cognitive dissonance, which is never any good for anybody, but it’s a cognitive dissonance that leaves the sufferer with no way to succeed at, or even escape the shame of, just being.
I have experience with this as I had a fucked-up childhood. However, I learned to get past it at a very young age. My ex used to ask me how to have better self-esteem, as mine is remarkably good.
He started out feeling that he was a man and that he didn’t make a good man (he wasn’t good enough at sports, he disappointed his dad, the usual stuff).
Then he moved into feeling that he was a woman and now fights a constant feeling that he doesn’t make a good woman (he doesn’t look right, he isn’t accepted by everyone, and so forth).
In light of this dilemma, it’s a wonder more people don’t land on “nonbinary” and stay there, where it would seem they could not fail. The pernicious reach of patriarchy, I guess: everyone must conform to male supremacy or join the sexay ranks of female submissiveness.
Below are the two choices of a person in my ex’s position.
The solution to the first is to learn to love thyself. This has always been the psychology field’s solution to all self-esteem crises, save transgenderism which somehow seems to make itself the exception to every rule.
The solution to the second is a literally insurmountable (point 7), sometimes irreversible (point 2) list of tedious (point 3) actions that must be performed by the sufferer forever. Is it any wonder that solution hasn’t improved outcomes for dysphoria sufferers?
|The Old Dilemma||The New Dilemma|
|The Proposed Solution|
|This isn’t easy, but is it really worse –>||…than this?|