The Past Was Alterable

“Jenner was always a woman, even prior to her physical transition, because a transgender person’s gender is determined at birth, even if it is discovered later in life.”

“The past was alterable. The past never had been altered. Oceania was at war with Eastasia. Oceania had always been at war with Eastasia.” – George Orwell, 1984

I’ve been thinking a lot about this quote from Nevlynn:

“If any of the men I’ve had intercourse with in the past… demanded that I see them as a woman I would refuse… I was having sex with a man… That was my lived experience.”

When I entered into a relationship with my soon-to-be-husband, I was not entering into a lesbian relationship. In fact, I gave up a lesbian identity to be with him. I lost contact with my lesbian friends, I stopped going to “the bar” (because he didn’t want to be seen as a tourist, tellingly), and I removed a gay pride sticker from my car bumper out of respect for our relationship. That was in some ways a disorienting and sad experience for me, but I did it for the man I was in love with.

When we went to the courthouse to get a marriage license, we weren’t turned away like a same-sex couple would have been in my state at the time. When we bought a house we didn’t have to look for a gay-friendly neighborhood to keep from getting beat up. No one looked at us funny when we picked out a queen-sized mattress and tested it out together in the store. It was easier for us than it is for lesbian couples. Because he is a man.

In contrast, my relationship with my girlfriend a few years prior was a whole different thing. When you’re in a gay relationship, some people hate you, and some people tolerate you, and some people are fine with you. Very few people celebrate you. But when you’re in a heterosexual relationship, I can say from experience, you’re treated as part of the Grand Plan of the universe. People fawn on you when you get engaged. People you don’t know coo and hug you. All religious people love you (and there are a lot of them); they even forget you’re atheists for a while because you’re doing the right thing. You get free things on your honeymoon, every time you turn around.

That’s how things were for us. Because I’m a woman, and he’s a man.

When I started taking birth control pills, it wasn’t because my husband was a woman. It was because he was a fertile man who was using his penis to have sex with me and that posed a risk of pregnancy to me (and to me only). I had a pap smear every year, too, to help us get that birth control, to keep us from having those kids we didn’t want, but he didn’t have any genital exams at all. When I had migraines for nine years from those very same birth control pills (I didn’t realize the cause until I went off them), I had them because I am a woman. He escaped having migraines all those years because he is a man.

When I took a pregnancy test those three times, it was because he is a man. When older relatives asked me if I was going to hurry up and have kids before I got too old, but they didn’t ask him, it was because he is a man. Even when I “slept in the wet spot” it was because of biology – mine as a woman’s, his as a man’s.

Our medicine cabinet contained Gold Bond medicated powder and condoms. There were boxer briefs in my bedroom floor and our toilet seat was sometimes up instead of down. These aren’t things that happened before I lived with a man.

When I signed the line on the divorce papers that said “The wife affirms that she is not pregnant,” and he was not required to sign, it was because he is a man.

His friends and family and ex-girlfriends and acquaintances also had a lived experience that included him in their lives as a boy and a man. They had a son, a grandson, a brother, a brother-in-law, a nephew, a boyfriend, a Best Man.

The past is not alterable. One person’s lived experience “needs to be respected just as much as anyone else’s experiences.” None of us should be required to lie about the past because someone happens to be uncomfortable with that past.

Men in Women’s Shelters: Must Women be the Only Ones Expected to Exercise Moral Imagination?

[Jenny] tells me how her mother sold her, age eight, into prostitution for drug money. ‘It’s just part of being a woman… You’re gonna have to be a big girl and get used to it.’

The venomous narrative that sinks its fangs into the psyche of thousands of girls… every day is that they are somehow not worth protecting.

Christopher Hambrook… took advantage of a law that allowed him inside two separate women’s shelters in Toronto simply by claiming he identifies as a woman… he sexually violated vulnerable women in each of these shelters.

These victims were women like [Jenny], with so little left to give and nowhere left to turn.

As gender-identity-based legislation sweeps the nation, the mainstream media is sounding more and more like Jenny’s mother, telling women who oppose these laws to “be a big girl and get used to it.” I read a recent column that urged us to exercise “moral imagination” and find empathy for transgender individuals whose experiences we don’t understand.

But this rush to embrace gender-identity-based legislation too often ignores the real harm that some—under these new laws’ protections—are doing to people who are already hurting. Must we be the only ones expected to exercise moral imagination?

Where’s the empathy for rape survivors now forced to share locker room showers with anyone who declares himself female, even just for the day… for women like Jenny, reciting childhood prayers to make it through the night?

From It’s Cruel to Put Men in Women’s Shelters, by Kaeley Triller Haver

I Don’t Share Your Religion, and I Don’t Have To

Suppose someone asked me, “Do you identify as a slut or a prude?”

My answer would be: “I don’t identify as either. Both words imply a number of premises I don’t agree with: that sex is ‘sinful,’ that possible to have the wrong amount of it, that women’s sexuality should be policed more than men’s, and that there are only two clearly dichotomous extremes of sexual behavior, for example.”

Suppose the asker then said, “Oh, you identify as half prudish, half slutty then.” No, that would be the wrong answer too. “Slut-leaning prude?” No, still wrong.

Similarly, if I told someone I was an atheist, it wouldn’t be correct for them to say, “Ah, then you’re a little bit Christian and a little bit Muslim.” Nor would it be fair to say, “Anyone who doesn’t identify as a Christian is actually a Satanist.”

And yet, those of us who know that gender is a false dichotomy, a set of silly beliefs made up by men to ensconce social power structures, a bunch of arbitrary rules that neither logically categorizes us nor deserves our interest, are constantly being told which side we’re on. If we insist we’re not “cis,” a term that falsely implies that we dig the role that patriarchy has chosen for us, we’re told we’re “genderfluid” or “genderqueer” or “nonbinary.” And worse, that that puts us under the “trans” umbrella. No, people who reject gender are not properly categorized as belonging to the same group as people who are obsessed with it and make it the central focus of their lives. That all too conveniently inflates the number of trans people, for one thing.

I reject your religion. The fact that I exist does not confirm one or the other of its precepts.



Transwomen are Not Females by Nevlynnn

“If any of the men I’ve had intercourse with in the past, whether it was consensual or not… if they demanded that I see them as a woman I would refuse… that’s because when they were busy shoving their dick into all of my orifices, and I was risking pregnancy and they were not, I was having sex with a man… I was not having sex with a woman. That was my lived experience as a female and that needs to be respected just as much as anyone else’s experiences.”

A Trans Activist Walks by a Farm…

“If you limit womanhood to those with vaginas, you are reducing woman to an object to be fucked,” a recent commenter said.

A trans activist and I walk past a farm, and we see a rabbit.

Trans activist: Look, a chicken!

Me: Actually that’s a rabbit. Chickens have wings.

Trans activist: You’re reducing a chicken to something that is deep fried in hot sauce and served at BW3’s!