Drinking the Kool-Aid

One thing that I find very striking right now is the amazing rapidity with which my ex is drinking the Kool-Aid. The Kool-Aid drinking follows an exponential curve. It might take you half a year to drink the first gallon, but soon you’ll be drinking a gallon a day and then a gallon an hour.

Unfortunately, I know this because his social media circle intersects with mine. And yes, it’s a train wreck that I sometimes watch, though I shouldn’t.

Today he commented to someone that being transgender is an intersex condition. This is patently absurd, and he used to agree. As a matter of fact, he had a religious transgender friend who used to make this argument, in the form of the ole’ prenatal hormone bath, and he used to make fun of him behind his back for it. “There’s nothing wrong with being transgender because it isn’t hurting anyone,” my ex would say, “so we don’t have to pretend that there’s a physical condition behind it. That pretense is a demonstration of self-hatred, probably stemming from his religion.”

What a difference a few months makes.

Likewise, he’s now arguing that people who were born male should compete against people who were born female in sports. Within the past year, he was at least reasonable enough to not support a male-bodied person beating a female-bodied person senseless, I think because at that time he retained a measure of compassion for someone besides himself. Now, however, any and all actual physical violence against natal women that might be of interest is well justified in the name of making sure no transgender person ever gets his feelings hurt. Man’s feelings > women’s safety. Hmm, that sounds somehow familiar.

And as mentioned recently, he used to agree that TERF was a slur and that there was no reason to attack people specifically for being feminists. But that word’s kind of his thing now. I guess he has to hate me in order to ward off the nagging feeling that he threw away the best thing that ever happened to him.

Not coincidentally, he deleted his blog recently. I suspect he is no longer equipped to confront the sensible opinions he held less than a year ago.

I’ve never seen him defend the cotton ceiling complaint; he’s always said that everyone has the right to their attractions. So let’s give him about a month and a half on that one. Defending the agency of women sounds a lot like feminism so he clearly can’t keep doing that.

What else? Oh! He used to specifically disparage the habit of calling one’s penis a clitoris (he thought it was silly). If he isn’t doing that already, he’ll pick it up by end of year.

In related news, I recently attended an event in which I watched a number of transgender people that I’ve met before similarly forget the ancient opinions they were espousing this time last summer when I first met them. One said he’d been planning to transition forever, and just couldn’t find the right time, even though last year he was saying he was enjoying his gender-fluidness and didn’t plan to transition at all.

There will be no leftover Kool-Aid, folks. It isn’t over until no drop is left and all the containers have been licked clean.







17 thoughts on “Drinking the Kool-Aid

  1. Just wait until he’s saying that the penis is “the same as the vagina”. I got in an argument with a dudette the other day over that one. Of course it ended with himette calling me a TERF & a transphobe & all those kinds of terms. Couldn’t take my argument that babies come out of vaginas & not out of penises & NEVER WILL. Amazing cognitive disorders, these dudettes have.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I can perfectly well understand following your ex’s “transformation.” It’s like riding the subway sitting across from an anorexic: you just can’t take your eyes off the bloody fingernails. Only in this case you were personally involved with the anorexic.


  3. TransWidow,

    I believe that you may be witnessing the progressive nature of autogynephilia, in which once the decision to transition takes place, a steady process of rewriting history follows in which, in the very Orwellian sense, they begin to say to themselves and others “I’ve always been this way.” Yes, always autogynephilic… but not the rest.

    May you find solace, and always believe in your own perceptions.

    –Kay Brown


  4. “Defending the agency of women sounds a lot like feminism so he clearly can’t keep doing that.”

    Well, also it’s going to start sinking in that he’s destroyed his chances at finding a relationship with a real woman, regardless if she’s a lesbian or not.


    • There are a lot of women around willing to cater to such delusions, it’s become quite socially acceptable. I guess that’s a kind of relationship, being the designated placator. Women have been pressured to placate men ever since patriarchy showed up, this is merely a different form of it.

      What you don’t get so easily in such a situation is an honest relationship of equals, but a lot of men don’t want that. They bond with men and consider female partners a form of servant. They may be straight but that doesn’t mean they like women, even when they fetishize us.


      • “There are a lot of women around willing to cater to such delusions”

        Sad but true. More and more women seem to be afraid to be alone. While it’s not hard to fathom why, it seems they are willing to put up with/justify/dismiss shittier and shittier behaviour in order to be in a relationshit.

        Re placating men – a trans couple I knew personally (one MtF the other FtM), the FtM is still responsible for placating/caretaking the MtF. The FtM has to constantly do things like drop everything at their work and collect MtF narcissistic arsehole from their work whenever they throw a tanty and lock themselves in a room, over something like someone who may/may not have looked at the MtF funny. This happens at least once a week, no exaggeration. I knew the FtM pre transition and she was lovely. Now seems to have resigned herself to her caretaking role because options are otherwise very limited – small place, inability to pass, etc.

        Liked by 1 person

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