A Bumpy Ride Forward

I had a date with a woman on Saturday night. From the photos on her dating app profile, I expected her to be ok looking. She was drop dead gorgeous. Soft butch, tattooed, pierced, and athletic with an amazing body and a beautiful smile.

We’d been chatting for weeks, so maybe we felt like we knew each other when we went back to her place and I spent the night. I felt so at home. Wanted and wanting for the first time in so long.

I am reminded of a song by Alison Krauss in which she seduces a recently forsaken man into forgetting about “that cowgirl as she’s walkin’ out your door.” I felt so much like I could move on. I felt like I had already moved on.

Two days later I learned that my divorce is final. I was positively nonplussed by the news.

My lady friend is now working late a lot, and may be giving me the cold shoulder. It’s her prerogative; she may not like me as much as I like her. It’s tremendously disappointing if true. But, ironically, she left me with a great deal of hope and confidence and willingness to face the future.





6 thoughts on “A Bumpy Ride Forward

  1. Hi — I stumbled upon your blog today and read some of what you have bravely gone through. I like your approach of not clinging to this person who gives you hope, but simply accepting that enormous gift of hope regardless of the outcome.

    You’re a beautiful writer with a distinctive voice. The way you speak about grief resonates with me.

    I think you will get through this and learn many lessons along the way. I know when I went through what I call “The Apocalypse” (horrible break-up, mental illness, etc.), by the time a few years had gone by, I realized I would never want to let go of all I had learned in favor of the Apocalypse never having happened. In the end, I became a different person. Some parts came out funky and weird, so I’m growing into them. Other elements of myself grew in ways I never imagined. I need those elements now. I can’t live without them anymore.

    I hope you have a lovely evening.


    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for this comment. In the past I’ve never been one for regrets, always coming down on the side of having learned something and grown as a person. But I’m struggling with feelings of wishing this marriage had never happened and that I had taken a drastically different course in my life. This is helpful.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks for sharing your story. I’ve been reading for a while now, and so so so much of what you’ve said absolutely aligns with my experiences.

    Feeling desire, and feeling wanted, are such powerful things when you’ve spent so much time dealing with the lack thereof! My story is similar to yours, though I’m a little longer past the divorce than you. My ex transitioned March of 2014; I asked for a divorce in June, and ex moved out in August. Divorce was finally 100% final September 2015.

    Welcome to the outside world! You’ll find it much nicer out here, without having to deal with the narcissistic adolescent that used to be your partner. There’s joy and happiness here. You’ll do wonderfully.


    • Aww, such a nice comment. Thank you. I have in fact started to run into some of the joy and happiness you speak of. As evidenced by the fact that I haven’t posted in a while.


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