How to Care for a Sad Person

My ex recently shared a web comic called “How to care for a sad person.” It spoke of wrapping them in a blanket, hugging them, showing them movies and giving them food.

He did this because he is sad and frequently lets the Internet know.

Good list, but I’d like to add my own suggestions for caring for a sad person.

  • Tell them they are perfect the way they are. Don’t tell them that their body is wrong, or that the relationship between their body and their personality is wrong, or that there are some good reasons for them to harm their body.
  • Don’t romanticize suicide. Don’t normalize the idea that suicide is inevitable for them if they don’t find themselves getting the outcome they’re interested in.
  • Don’t train them to place their self worth in falsehoods that are easily and frequently contradicted by reality.
  • Don’t tell them that the people who have historically loved them and cared for them when they were sad (spouse, friends, family) are now their enemies for holding unauthorized opinions like “sex organs determine sex.” Don’t train them to reject the compassion of these people who care for them.
  • Lead them to a good counselor and let them benefit from the counselor’s professional opinion instead of telling them what their counselor is allowed to think.
  • Care about how they got sad in the first place.

Disclaimer: These didn’t work for me, but I stand by them.

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4 thoughts on “How to Care for a Sad Person

  1. I understand… and i know how much it hurts and how undignified it can get when you desperately, desperately want to protect and help someone you love but are forced to watch a train wreck of them making fools and arseholes of themselves while online strangers encourage them to ever more deluded heights and your love is rejected in favour of these ‘real friends’ theyve never met, who support and validate every word he says about being a woman, despite all evidence to the contrary. they seem to feel perfectly within their rights having never met you or your spouse, to deride, ostracise and vilify you for not supporting your husband enough. they question your relationship and claim they would have done a better job than you of making him happy.. then you have to watch them carry away the body of your loved one while everyone applauds and cheers and you are left alone to grieve the loss..your own identity, sexuaity, orientation and consent are beneath consideration, for you are ‘cis privileged’ and have had everything your own way far too long missy. its his turn now to erm.. do the housework? oh no sorry.. wear pantyhose and fantasise about the male gaze you been selfishly hogging all your cis privileged life.. (even though he’s definitely lesbian, go figure)
    for me, the worst moment was when a friend of ours told me in no uncertain terms, that ‘he was gone, and is never coming back. get over it.’ i felt like someone had physically ripped out my heart and i have never spoken to her since..its not just your relationship with your spouse that gets messed up.you lose friends,and it divides families.
    getting my head around the fact that the person i had loved so intimately and trustingly never actually existed except in my head, and that my history and memories had all to be adjusted accordingly threw into light a few things i hadnt understood before..including the fact that i wasnt the first woman he ‘switched’ on.. and that he had a history of picking on vulnerable single mothers… i am a survivor of previous rape and domestic violence, but when i realised what the truth was about this man and that he was almost certainly the organiser of a roofie lesbian rape by his previous girlfriend in his bedroom when i was a teenager, i can tell you i have never felt so intimately and profoundly violated and deeply stupid in all my life until this man and his friends stole years of mine and my daughters lives.
    ..so nowadays i couldnt give a tinkers arse what they do to him. in my darkest moments i let myself hope they get a 4th year med student to do a 1 star NHS job..just like a woman.. i dont want him ever be able to do this to anyone again.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. What is the Roman Catholic shill and dinosaur Paul McHugh doing in your “qualified counsellor” list? He is retired which is the only reason he has not faced what Doctor “take-away-that-Barbie” Zucker rightly faced.

    Like

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