“I read that divorce causes symptoms similar to those of withdrawal, my mom said. She’s a recovered addict.
That explains the feeling that there is a huge gaping hole where my chest should be.
That explains the soul-crushing pain I continue to feel even as I keep a ton of social appointments, even as I keep busy, even as I review the situation over and over and determine that nothing has changed and nothing is within my power to fix.
“You’ve been together a third of your life,” another friend noted.
I’ve never been a doormat, but I can’t stop reconsidering. Even though he doesn’t care about me or about women. Even though he’s clearly married to himself. Even though the person I miss has been gone for over a year.
I can’t stop missing that life — that easygoing, contented, slow-paced life of working, playing, talking, gardening, vacationing, understanding.
I can’t stop missing that that person I spent time with, ate dinner with, took to the hospital for surgery, told every detail of my day to.
I can’t figure out why I walked into the kitchen, what people do with the five hours after work, why I’m getting up in the morning, why I’m alive.